Jefferson, Meet Trump

“You? You’re a leading candidate for president?” Jefferson asked.

“I am, Tom. And it’s beautiful isn’t it. I’m winning in so many polls,” said Trump.

“What are your thoughts on the fundamental tenets of liberty? Or the egregiousness of Alexander Hamilton’s federalist policies?”

“I believe that health care is one of the main responsibilities of the federal government.”

“I don’t recall Hamilton ever writing that…”

“Me neither. We just can’t have people dying in the streets.”

“Dying in the streets? Shouldn’t public health care, if there ever were such a thing, be decided at the state level?”

“Well, of course the states will decide. Common Core is a disaster. You know, you’re being really unfair, Tom.”

“Me? The author of the document that laid the foundations for the most fair system of government in history.”

“Yeah, I’d be so much more presidential than you. Better than anyone except Lincoln. Maybe Washington.”

“That’s the most absurd comment I’ve ever heard. When we talked about having citizen statesmen, we didn’t expect you.”

“Well, we’re going to win again, we’re going to win so many things.”

“Donald, we won a bloody war, twice, against the British so that we would never have to bow down to the likes of you.”

“You know what? I’ll call you ‘Unfair Tom.'”

– Trevor Louis

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